So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
