I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
