I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
