Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
