I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
