Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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