Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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