I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
