I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
