Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
