She is in my trunk
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
