The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Someone shattered a urinal.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize