what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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