If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
