nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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