ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
