Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
