just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
