my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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