I got chris browned last night
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
