you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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