apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize