I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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