What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
