Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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