Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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