i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
