How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
