You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
