i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
