id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
