Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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