I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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