You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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