Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
