she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you had me at cake vodka
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
