I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
