be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
