If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
