We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We need a shit load of segways right now
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
