I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
