My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
