remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
