im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
