Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
