I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
