I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
