Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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