Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
