i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
