he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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