I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
