My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
