My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize