Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
