We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
