So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
