Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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