I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
