Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
