dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
