why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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