Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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