I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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