My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
