I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
