we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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