fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
