i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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