He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
