you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
