Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
