He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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