I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
