And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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