Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize