Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
