I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
