i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
