Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
