I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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