I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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