I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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