it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
