I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
