Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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