I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
