How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
