I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
