he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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