omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
