The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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