dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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