she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
