We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Randomize
