im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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