Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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