Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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