WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
