what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
