We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Pants are for mortals
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
