I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
