but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
