Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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