Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
