I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
