Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
