just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
