don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
