im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
