Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I AM VODKA MAN
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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