Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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