I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
