she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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