so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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