Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize